My Journey with Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss

A Message to Fellow Musicians and Performing Artists

I recently watched the Netflix movie Maria, featuring Angelina Jolie as Greek-American soprano Maria Callas. Callas rose to fame in the 1950s and 1960s, reviving the bel canto style and dazzling audiences with her dramatic voice and stage presence. Her commanding voice was matched only by her reputation as a diva and her tempestuous personal life. Callas’s voice began to decline in the 1960s, sparking speculation about the reasons behind it.

Musicians are always intrigued by stories like this: when elite artists’ stars begin to fade, we try to imagine what this decline does to their psyches, and we can’t help but relate those feelings to our own careers.

As if I were being sent a message, the day after I watched Maria, I discovered this brief video about Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss (SSHL). It captures my experience so precisely that I’ve decided to share something deeply personal that only a few close friends and family members have known until now.

The Day Everything Changed

On March 18, 2020, I was walking home from Starbucks on a sunny day. The pandemic was progressing, but most Dallas residents were skeptical about COVID, with only a handful, including me, wearing masks. Suddenly, I felt a clogged sensation in my left ear, like something we experience when descending in an airplane. I didn’t give it much thought, thinking it would clear up on its own.

After two days without improvement, I scheduled a virtual appointment with my primary care physician, as in-person visits were unavailable at the time. I asked if this could be related to COVID, but since COVID symptoms were primarily respiratory at that time, he didn’t think so and prescribed two nasal sprays for a suspected eustachian tube infection. I also bought a few eustachian-related gadgets online.

After a couple of weeks without progress, I was finally able to see my ENT in person. Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss (SSHL) can sometimes be reversed if treated quickly—within a week or two—but my window had passed. Still, the doctor prescribed prednisone (a steroid), which is the treatment of choice. Unfortunately, it was too late for me. Subsequent consultations with another ENT and several audiologists confirmed the diagnosis, and since my right ear’s hearing remained unaffected, I was fitted with a hearing aid for my left ear.

Adjusting to a New Reality

As a flutist, my immediate reaction was, “Why me, a musician of all people?” Like most musicians, I have a keen ear. We spend our entire lives developing “our sound,” and we all know how distracting (and annoying) it can be when our sound is off.

The top-of-the-line Phonak hearing aid I received in 2020 offers some assistance, but to this day, it has not alleviated my anxiety. I even took my flute with me to the audiologist to create a custom program tailored to the flute’s sound. The aid’s “AutoSense” feature—designed to adapt to different environments—creates slight distortions after silences, which are especially problematic for music.

The custom setting has helped remove these distortions, but it has not restored my ability to perceive and trust my tone, volume, or color as I did before. The disparity between what I expect to hear and what I actually hear is distracting, and factoring in the ever-changing acoustics of the spaces where we perform, it’s a constant disappointment. Most of the time, I remove the hearing aid before going on stage – it’ll seem muted, but at least it won’t have “technology” mixed in with it. While the public may not hear a difference in my playing, the way I “feel” when I play makes me hesitant to seize opportunities to perform and record. However, I DO still enjoy teaching and welcome students worldwide. If there’s a silver lining of any sort to the COVID pandemic, it’s the emergence of Zoom teaching. The ongoing advancement of this technology makes virtual study almost as effective as in-person learning.

A Difficult Decision

One of the most significant moments came recently when I was invited to perform at the National Flute Association (NFA) Convention in San Antonio. I chose to pass up the opportunity and instead suggested one of my former students take my place. Thanks to the program chair’s kind and understanding nature, I was able to withdraw without causing any disruption to the planned events. My composer friend’s sonata remained in the program, and my former student was able to shine in a remarkable performance before a national audience. It was a bittersweet moment; I felt joy in handing over the opportunity to a promising flutist I had mentored, but I also felt sadness at missing the chance to perform myself.

Finding Solace in Shared Experiences

When I came across this video in which an audiologist explains that SSHL can indeed be caused by COVID or, in rare cases, its vaccines, it was validating to learn that singer Paul Simon of Simon and Garfunkle, like me, lost hearing in his left ear due to COVID and subsequently left the music industry. While this doesn’t alleviate my sadness, it reminds me that I am not alone.

I’ve kept this experience private for several reasons:

1. It’s an ongoing struggle for me.
2. I feared it might diminish how others perceive me as a professional flutist, removing opportunities that I’m not quite ready to give up.

However, I’ve realized that sharing my story might comfort someone else who may be silently navigating SSHL or similar challenges. I’ve spoken with many ENTs and audiologists, participated in online groups, and followed several expert YouTube channels to keep up with the newest technology. However, although I plan to keep exploring options, my efforts have yielded minimal results thus far.

A Reflection for Performing Artists

As performing artists, we will all face some form of loss or transformation in our careers. These changes—whether due to physical limitations, burnout, or age—often come with denial, loneliness, and a reluctance to share.

If my story resonates with you, know that you are not alone. While we each navigate our challenges in our own way, we can find comfort in knowing that others understand and share similar struggles. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.